A Lifetime Battle

Being told that I had a health issue called depression when I was in high school had me feeling lost. The thought of being on medicine the rest of my life depressed me even more. Not to mention, I didn’t like the way I felt while I was taking it. Being young, I didn’t know how to handle the ups and downs I constantly went through. I attempted suicide once when I was in high school. Obviously, I failed. Something inside my head told me I failed because there was a reason for me to live. Did I ever feel overwhelmed and want to give up again? Yes, but something always happened to make me want to live.

I visited a few counselors throughout the years. After my third time of fighting off the desire to commit suicide, I went once more. When the counselor said the words that depression is not curable, I actually got mad. It’s not like I didn’t know that, but it was the first time I heard it said aloud. I could not accept it. I spent the rest of my life trying to beat depression and prove the counselor wrong.

I have found one way that kept my depression more or less at bay. Let everything in my head out. Meaning talking to someone or writing it down. I always felt trying to talk about what is in my head to someone was embarrassing so I never said what needed to be said. I have loved writing poetry since age 14. Years later, I realized that writing poetry has helped me to express my thoughts and clear my mind which has been helping feel better. So, now on I encourage others to write everything down. No one may see it but getting all those thoughts trapped in your head out even just on paper will help.

I wasn’t about to let anything like depression slow me down. Now that I am older I am glad I was so stubborn. I still must battle depression. I understand this can be a daily struggle but try to think positive thoughts and ride it out. Sometimes it’s harder to fight, especially when what I am working so hard and it seems to be going nowhere.